Back from holiday after a month away, John Oliver wasted no time in getting down to brass tacks, spending the beginning 10 minutes of Last Week Tonight addressing Donald Trump‘s desperate attempts to redirect national conversation away from the release of the Jeffrey Epstein files.
“We are back! And we missed a lot — from Trump signing his Big Beautiful Bill into law, which was terrible, to Colbert getting canceled, which was terrible, to the Coldplay concert heard around the world, which was honestly kind of fun,” Oliver began as he kicked off the show.
During the segment, Oliver addressed the recent Wall Street Journal article that alleged the POTUS sent Epstein a vulgar letter accompanied by a drawing of a naked woman and sentiments that they shared commonalities, along with the line: “Happy Birthday—and may every day be another wonderful secret.” As a result, Trump has filed a defamation suit against the Rupert Murdoch-owned publication.
“His signature looks less like pubes and more like the polygraph results when he’s asked if he’s ever been friends with Jeffrey Epstein,” Oliver joked.
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Playing a news clip of Trump ordering GOP leaders to redirect away from questions concerning Epstein, Oliver then remarked: “Yeah, it’s that easy, and if they keep asking, say Hillary [Clinton] shot JFK, Rosie O’Donnell did 9/11 and Nancy Pelosi f—ed a bat, that’s how we got COVID — no further questions.”
The late-night host continued, “Some of the harshest criticism is actually coming from Trump’s most fervent supporters, even the QAnon shaman posted ‘F— this stupid piece of sh–… What a fraud… And once you’ve lost dipsh– Daniel Boone here, you are in trouble.”
Oliver closed out the segment by airing out a laundry list of Trump’s sexual improprieties — from his Access Hollywood tape to five teen beauty queens saying he barged in on them as they were undressing to his time on Epstein’s private jet. “Beyond that though, there’s nothing there. Except for a jury finding him liable for sexual abuse, but other than that, there’s nothing to see!”
If only there was video evidence of Epstein, who died by hanging in his jail cell in 2019, denying Trump’s presence when around female minors, Oliver said, proceeding to play a clip of Epstein refusing to answer the question by evoking his Fifth, Sixth and Fourteenth Amendment rights.
“If the answer is no, just say that,” Oliver quipped. “Instead, Epstein started listing amendments like he was ordering off the value menu. ‘I’ll have the number 5, 6, 14, 10, 12, 3 and whichever else means I won’t have to break bro code.’”