Much like the slogan behind a certain brand of margarine, Jon Stewart “can’t fucking believe” the Democrats caved on the longest government shutdown in history, which officially ended earlier today with the passage of legislation to keep the machine running until January, thanks to eight Democrats who joined the ranks of their Republican colleagues.
The Daily Show host repeated the phrase throughout Monday’s episode, saying, “By the way, tonight’s show will be brought to you by: I can’t fucking believe it. I can’t fucking believe it: For when the ‘I can’t believe it’ Edvard Munch scream emoji doesn’t quite convey how much you cannot fucking believe it.”
He continued, “They fucking caved on the shutdown, not even a full week removed from the best election night results they’ve had in years.”
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The stalemate, which lapsed after a whopping 42 days, was a result of Democrats’ holding the line on extending healthcare subsidies for the Affordable Care Act. As a result of the capitulation to President Donald Trump‘s administration and its agenda, the Senate has agreed to revisit the matter at a later date, a move Stewart ripped into, as the party did not get favorable commitments from Speaker of the House Mike Johnson or Donald Trump to back such a future vote.
“You had the wind at your back, election victories all over the country, the new Sydney Sweeney movie — box office bupkis,” the host exclaimed, delving into the recent fervor Sweeney has ignited for not disavowing Trump. “Apparently, her new MAGA fanbase didn’t show up in droves to see a biopic about a lesbian professional boxer who overcomes domestic violence to live her truth. Who could have seen that coming?”
“Democrats, you sold out the entire shutdown not to get what you wanted but for a promise to not get what you wanted later. Where in The Art of War…?” Stewart continued, pulling out a copy of the ancient treatise. “Sun Tzu said, ‘Never press your advantage, it’s unseemly.’ ‘Fighting’s hard, how about a snack?’”
Singling out specific Senators Tim Kaine and Jeanne Shaheen for initially staunchly supporting the shutdown, only to do a complete 180 afterward, Stewart noted, “Look, either all eight Senators who voted to capitulate coincidentally are not up for reelection in 2026, or Chuck Schumer worked behind the scenes to give into the Republicans while still protecting ‘vulnerable’ Democrats, including himself.”
Continuing his blistering censure, Stewart invoked the New York Giants’ recent statistically improbable defeat by the Chicago Bears. “This is a world-class collapse by Democrats. It would be like being up 10 points with three minutes left to go in a game and still finding a way to miraculously lose it for the fourth time in just one month,” he said.
The political comic also excoriated Democrats for not standing on principle: “How are we being ruled by the only old people who don’t stubbornly cling to shit whether it’s working or not? That’s the whole point of being an old person. What kind of an old person are you? ‘Well, maybe it is time to give up my driver’s license.’”
Stewart maintained that the shutdown was laying bare the faults of the Trump administration and its disconnect with constituents, and the Democrats “squandered their leverage, sapped their voters’ enthusiasm and snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.”
“And it’s just too bad that we are now stuck with these leaders that we have on that side, and there’s nothing that can be done about it,” he added just before rolling a clip breaking the news of Giants head coach Brian Daboll’s firing.